Those Words given by A Parent Which Rescued Us as a Brand-New Father

"I think I was merely just surviving for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the truth rapidly proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health complications during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her chief support while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a talk with his father, on a park bench, that led him to understand he needed help.

The straightforward statement "You aren't in a good spot. You require assistance. What can I do to help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His story is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more accustomed to talking about the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges dads go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider inability to open up between men, who often absorb harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a show of failure to request help. I didn't do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, says men can be reluctant to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - particularly in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a respite - spending a couple of days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma caused his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "terrible choices" when younger to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish.

"You turn to substances that don't help," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Advice for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a trusted person, your partner or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that helped you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. Examples include exercising, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - eating well, staying active and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your emotional health is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead provide the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their issues, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, on occasion I think my role is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."